Coping With Adolescents

Understand what you can expect from your middle schooler

Middle school usually spans three years or fewer, but the growing your child will do in these years is huge. Your child will grow physically. But expect tremendous mental, emotional and social growth as well. Your preteen will probably display:

• Some degree of self-absorption. A key job for a child in middle school is to begin to answer the question: “Who am I?” Your child will be thinking about his own identity and how he appears to others. At times he may appear self-centered or even selfish. Try not to let this hurt your feelings. Give him some alone time, but do not allow him to isolate himself from the family.
• Identification with a peer group. In middle school, the peer group often sets the tone. New behaviors you see in your child may be copied from peers. Your child may not seem as affectionate as before. But don’t be fooled into thinking this is a time to back away. Your child needs you more than ever. But he needs you as a support and a guide, not a micro-manager.
• A strong desire for independence, countered by immature behavior if he doesn’t get his way or he’s anxious or upset. This is the age when you can expect to hear: “I’m not a child! Stop treating me like one!” Five minutes later, this person who thinks he deserves to be treated like an adult will be having a meltdown that reminds you of his toddler years.
  Be mindful of your child’s need for more freedom. But make sure he knows that you will link more freedom with more responsibility on his part.

Reprinted with permission from the November 2008 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2008 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: “Developmental Characteristics of Middle Schoolers And Tips for Parents,” Music Department, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, www-camil.music.uiuc.edu/classes/343/where_who/characteristics_adolescents.pdf.